


Changed

by chaosandpandemonium



Series: Home Is Where The Heart Is [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Gen, Kinda, Protective!Winchesters, Sad!Lida, What happened while Sam was at Stanford, protective!Dean, protective!Sam, sad!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5118932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosandpandemonium/pseuds/chaosandpandemonium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then again, who knew what'd happened since he'd been gone? He hadn't spoken to either of them in over three years – certainly Lida had changed a lot. Since when did she look that feral, like she could tear you limb from limb without flinching? </p>
<p>He'd have to ask Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changed

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure about this one, in places it's kinda iffy...but I've been fussing over it for days and it doesn't appear to be improving at all, so here it is!

Sam was in that drowsy, pleasant state of being half awake and half asleep. He could feel warmth radiating off Jess from behind him, comforting him, telling him to stop worrying and go to sleep already.

A thump from downstairs was all that was needed to wake him; another thump followed it, convincing him it wasn't his imagination. He sat up, heart racing, his pulse loud in his ears. The moonlight was illumination enough for him to sneak softly out into the hall.

Eyes scanning his vicinity for danger, he noticed a window half open – a window which had been very much closed when he and Jess went to bed. Glancing down the hall, sudden movement caught his attention – two silhouettes, one after the other, both similar sizes.

_You chose the wrong place tonight._ Sam thought grimly, already heading towards the lounge. He had the advantage; he was on home turf. Hiding, he stilled his breathing, concentrating on keeping quiet. A figure – male, from what he could tell, broad-shouldered with a prominent nose, a quick study conducted by moonlight – passed into the room.

Without a second thought, Sam pounced, muscles tensed in anticipation. The figure put up more of a fight than Sam expected, but Sam was convinced he'd win, because there was no way this guy had ever faced the things Sam had faced, there's no way he'd been trained to shoot first and ask questions later the way Sam had – and then he was pinned to the ground, and all he could think was _Jess Jess Jess oh god Jess I'm sorry_ and he prepared to try and buck the guy off – _Jesus he's heavy_ -

"Woah, easy tiger." Sam paused, momentarily confused. Surely this was a weird sort of dream, there's no way it could be Dean, not here, not now...

"Dean?" Sam asked, gasping, his brother's hand still wrapped around his throat, keeping him in place. He heard a soft chuckle, and a wave of anger flooded through him - _really Dean? You think this is funny?_

"You scared the crap out of me!" he panted, eyes wide.

"That's cause you're out of practice." his brother replied, voice so arrogant and familiar that Sam couldn't help but prove him wrong, shoving Dean over onto his back and trapping him with a leg.

"Or not," Dean wheezed, chuckling all the same. He patted Sam's leg twice, telling him to _get the fuck off so we can talk_. Sam suddenly heard footsteps, lighter than Dean's, and he remembered that he saw two figures – so if Dean was there that must mean -

"Get off him, dork." Lida's voice came from behind him, and sure enough, when he turned his head, there she was, hip cocked, arms folded, smirking that oh-so-familiar smirk.

"Lida..." Sam breathed, breath knocked out of him by how grown up she looked. _Three years_ , he thought fiercely, _three years and look how much I've missed – look how different she is._

"Get off me." Dean grunted, exasperated. Sam obeyed instantly, pulling him to his feet and looking between his siblings, confused.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, itching to pull his sister into a hug and then knock their heads together for scaring him.

"Well, I was looking for a beer." Dean grinned, gripping Sam's arms and giving him a little shake. His brother never had been one for hugs, but after two years, Sam couldn't help but think it was a bit cold. Then again, he was still pissed at him for breaking into his apartment in the middle of the night, so maybe a hug wasn't the best idea.

"Shut up, De. Give the boy some time to adjust, for god's sakes. Hey, Sam." Lida nodded, walking over and clapping him on the shoulder. He could take not getting any hugs from Dean, but no way was he putting up with it from his sister. He grabbed her, pulling her into his chest and holding her there. He breathed in her scent and her warmth and Jesus fucking Christ he'd missed her, missed her so much it hurt. He felt her arms snake around him, cling to him – knew she missed him just as much. He couldn't believe she was there, couldn't believe they were there – couldn't believe how big she'd gotten.

"God you've grown! You must be taller than Dean by now!" Sam said, grinning as he released her. She took a few steps back, looking giddy as she scanned him up and down, basking in his presence – and his belief that she was taller. The way her lips were pursed, though...almost looked like she was angry at something.

"Nope. There's an inch left." Dean nodded proudly, eyes scanning Sam just as Li's were – just as Sam's were scanning them. He didn't miss the scowl that Lida directed at Dean, grinning dopily at her before she chuckled at him.

"Sam?" Jess' voice startled them, and Sam rocked back a bit, blinking in the sudden light as he looked at her. She was understandably confused, a little annoyed by the sound of it – and wearing almost nothing.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Dean looking appreciative - but before he could do anything about it, Lida's hand had appeared out of nowhere and cuffed her brother on the back of the head. Dean contained his hiss as Sam contained his laughter, Lida rolling her eyes off to the side, while Jess stood there, patiently waiting for an explanation with raised eyebrows.

"Jess, hey. Dean, Li, this is my girlfriend, Jessica." Sam bit his lip to stop himself bursting with pride, watching his siblings watch Jess. Despite the cuff to the back of the head, Dean couldn't stop staring – not that Sam was surprised. What he was surprised at is Lida – there was something off, something different - almost animalistic - in the way she stood, maybe, or the way she tilted her head as she looked at Jess, even the way her eyes went hard and flinty, but – he didn't like it.

It reminded him that his baby sister wasn't a baby anymore, and he wanted to know when that happened and why.

"Wait, your brother Dean? And Li's your sister, right?" Jess asked, grinning in surprise and delight. Sam almost never talked about his family, but when he did, it was 'Lida this' and 'Dean that' – she was ecstatic to meet them at last. She was apprehensive, too – there was history there, bad history, and she wasn't sure what was going to get stirred up.

"Yeah, that's us. Sorry for waking you up." Li spoke. Sam didn't know if it was his imagination or not, but her voice almost sounded deeper, more baritone – definitely smoother. Jess, meanwhile, was astonished at how, well, stunning she was – her legs seemed to go on for miles and she had hair and eyes and lips that anyone would kill for. Looking back up, she felt her heart jolt – the eyes she'd admired, upon closer inspection, were far too cold for an ordinary 20-something. The silence stretched on, and Jess realised she'd been staring for far too long to be considered polite.

Attempting to soothe the tension, Dean pointed to her shirt.

"I love the smurfs." he smirked. Li - her full name was odd, Lidah or something, exotic but pretty - cuffed him over the back of the head. Jess struggled not to laugh at the disgruntled look on his face – made all the harder when he shot another dopey grin at her.

"Well, I gotta tell you, you, are completely out of my brother's league." Dean laughed, moving away from his disapproving sister and towards Jess. Sam was the one scowling, this time. He'd almost forgotten how irritating his brother could be.

Lida's hand snaked onto his shoulder, holding him back ever-so-slightly. Sam's scowl deepened, although this new addition was more confusing than irritating.

"Just – let me put something on." Jess murmured, eyes meeting Sam's over his Deam's shoulder. Sam's gaze flickered back to the hand on Dean's shoulder, and Jess was left to make eye contact with Dean as he made his protest clear.

He moved back suddenly, Jess only noticing the presence of his sister's hand when she jerked him out of her personal space. Jess caught her eye and smiled in thanks. Lida grinned back, the feral slant to it making goosebumps rise on the back of her neck. Jess knew it – there was definitely some history there.

"Anyway," Dean spoke again, eager to move on from being pushed around by his baby sis, "I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business, but uh, nice meeting you!" he pointed at her again, dopey smile still on his face.

Sam looked at Dean, then Lida, then back at Jess. "No," he said suddenly, that defiant glint in his eye – the one which Lida had learned to dread. He moved back towards Jess, shaking his head. "No, whatever you wanna say, you can say it in front of her." Sam finished, arm draped around Jess' waist. She got the feeling that she was being dragged into some age-old family politics, but she didn't want to interfere more than she already was, so she said nothing. Lida and Dean looked at each other, heads tilted – if she didn't know any better, Jess would think they were having a conversation without words - before facing them again, shoulder to shoulder.

"Okay." Lida sighed, glancing once more at Dean, tilting her head forward. Dean obviously took that as a sign for him to begin.

"Um, dad hasn't been home in a few days." he nodded, trying to communicate something without explicitly saying it. Sam had a growing, unpleasant feeling about what it was, but he was going to deny it as long as he could.

"So he's working overtime on a Miller Time shift, he'll stumble back in sooner or later." Sam snarked, his heart sinking. Dean blinked, impatient. Lida narrowed her eyes and tilted her head.

"Let me rephrase that. Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days." _Jesus_ , she swore, if Sam didn't get what that meant, she was going to march over and slap him.

She could tell right away that that wouldn't be a possibility, as understanding – solid, sick, unhappy understanding – dawned on Sam's face.

"Jess, excuse us." he muttered, his voice low and grim. Confusion once again flashed across her face, but she'd been wonderfully patient and understanding about the whole thing, so he hoped his luck would hold out. It did; she surrendered without question, giving him a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the bedroom.

Sam followed his siblings out of the apartment, slipping into a spare hoodie as he did so. He wanted to know what was going on – and why in the hell couldn't they have waited until daytime, and come in through the front door like normal people?

They started down the stairs, Lida in front, Dean watching her protectively. The two had always had a bond that Sam had been kinda jealous of - more best friends than siblings - but he felt like that was taking it a bit far.

Then again, who knew what'd happened since he'd been gone? He hadn't spoken to either of them in over three years – certainly Lida had changed a lot. Since when did she look that feral, like she could tear you limb from limb without flinching? He'd have to ask Dean.

He faintly heard them discussing provisions, supplies, the route the three of them would be taking – realisation hit him like a slap to the face.

"Guys, no!" he growled. They turned to face him, eyebrows raised in identical expressions of scorn. "I mean, come on. You can't just break in, middle of the night, and expect me to hit the road with you!" he was starting to get extremely pissed off. What part of 'I'm going to college to get away from the hunting life' did they not understand?

Dean sighed, tapping Lida's shoulder. She turned and started walking again. Sam watched them with narrowed eyes. _What in the world?_

"You're not hearing me, Sammy. Dad's missing. We need you to help us find him." Dean tried to reason. Sam just scowled.

"Remember the poltergeist in Amherst? Or the Devil's Gates in Clifton? He was missing then too. He's always missing, and he's always fine." Sam growled. Lida's shoulders stiffened and her fists clenched, ready to attack first and reason later, but Dean wasn't going to let that happen. He wrapped his fingers around her elbow, halting and bringing her to his side. The arm he draped round her shoulder was more to keep her in place then anything, but all Sam saw was two people he used to be exceptionally close to flaunting their bond in front of him.

"Not for this long." Dean sighed. "Now you gonna come with us or not?" his eyes were searching, piercing. Sam had forgotten what that look was like, how young it made him feel.

"I'm not." he said. Lida reared back, her eyes suddenly colder and angrier – and sadder, he realised. She wasn't pissed off, not really – she was just sad. _What happened while I was gone to make her look like that? To make Dean hold her and touch her when he's never done that with anyone before?_

"Why not?" Dean demands, bringing Sam back to the present.

"I swore I was done hunting. For good."

"Come on. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad." Dean scoffed, turning Lida away and giving her a gentle shove. They started walking again, and Sam had no choice but to chase them.

"Yeah? When I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45."

"What was he supposed to do?" Dean asked, facing him again. Lida stood with her back to them, fingers tangled in the grating of the door.

"I was nine years old!" Sam was begging them to understand how ridiculous the whole thing was.

"Be thankful he waited that long." Lida snorted, shouldering the door out of the way and marching onto the street. Sam's eyes widened, his expression incredulous.

"What - "

"Don't worry about it." Dean sighed. "But really, what else could dad have done?"

"He was supposed to say 'Don't be afraid of the dark!'" Sam scowled.

"Don't be afraid of the dark? What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark – you know what's out there!"

"Yeah, I know, but still, the way we grew up after mum was killed, and dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her – but we still haven't found the damn thing, so we kill everything we can find!" Sam was growing angrier by the second – why couldn't Dean see how wrong it all was?

And what the hell was wrong with his sister?

"And save a lot of people doing it, too." Dean retorted. Sam could tell by the intensity of his look that he was angry as well. Sam just huffed.

"You think mum would have wanted this for us?" he asked, knowing Dean's weak spots.

Dean slammed the door open, the hinges squealing loudly.

"The weapon training, and melting the silver into bullets? Man, Dean, we were raised like warriors." His first glimpse of the Impala had sent a thrill down his spine and into his stomach, but he wasn't about to stop arguing his point.

"So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it?" Dean trudged over to the boot – Lida had already propped it open, and was leaning against it, watching them with dark eyes.

"No. Not normal. Safe." Sam felt like that was a pretty good line – his confidence was severely undermined, however, by Lida's loud, disbelieving snort.

"And that's why you ran away?" she asked, her tone mocking and hurtful and – where was his Li? The one who would cheer everyone up when they were feeling down, who'd do anything to distract them from their pain?

"I was just going to college. It was dad who said if I was gonna go, I should stay gone." Sam rebutted, hurt. "And that's what I'm doing."

"Yeah, well dad's in real trouble right now - if he's not dead already. I can feel it." She returned. They watched each other, both stubborn as all hell.

"Look, we can't do this alone." Dean said.

"Yes you can!" Sam scoffed.

"Yeah...well, I don't want to. And you," he pointed to Lida. "Better suck it up, cupcake. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start pleading my case, here, baby girl." Lida flashed him a smile, reaching out and hooking her fingers through Dean's. Sam watched as they gripped each other's hands so tight their knuckles turned white, before turning to look at him.

Sam sighed, looking down. He could still see their hands – see Dean's thumb rubbing soothing circles into Lida's fingers, see the tension draining from her body. He wanted to know where that tension came from – his sister had always been the one to comfort him, and now he wanted to be the one to comfort her.

"What was he hunting?" Sam asked, still not able to look them in the eyes. If he did, he'd have to admit to himself that he was really doing this – and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to do that.

Lida reached into the boot, soft smile on her lips. It was fleeting, but Sam caught it – however small, it was enough to convince him that he was doing the right thing.

"Alright." Dean chuckled.

"Where the hell did you put that thing?" Lida asked him. Attention caught, Dean turned as well, and started rummaging unhelpfully.

"So when dad left, why didn't you go with him?" Sam asked, leaning on his hands. Lida returned to her original position, crossing her ankles and watching him.

"We were working our own gig, this voodoo thing, down in New Orleans." she answered, her eyes – just as piercing as Dean's – scanning him up and down. Sam's heart jumped when he realised what she'd said.

"Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourselves?" he asked. Dean looked up at him.

"I'm 26, dude."

"Yeah, and she's only just turned 21."

"Huh." Lida laughed.

"What?" Sam looked up at her, eyebrows drawn together.

"Didn't think you'd remember." she answered simply. He stared.

"It's not every day your baby sister turns 21." he tried to smile at her, but she looked down.

"Right, here we go." Dean muttered, tugging some papers from a brown folder and riffling through them.

"So dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. 'Bout a month ago this guy," Dean handed his brother a printed article, handing the rest to Lida "they found his car but he'd vanished, completely MIA." Sam scanned through it – skim reading was a skill he'd developed at a young age.

"So maybe he was kidnapped." Sam answered instinctively. He wasn't stupid, he knew that Lida, at least, would have done some in depth research – but old habits die hard.

"Yeah, well, there's another one in April, another one in December '04, '03, '98, '92, ten of them over the past 20 years. All men, all same five mile stretch of road." Lida sighed, watching as Dean snatched papers off the both of them and stuffed them back into the boot.

"Started happening more and more," she explained as Dean opened up a map, "so dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. Haven't heard from him since."

"Which is bad enough." Dean continued. "Then I get this voicemail yesterday." he snatched up the device, pressed play. The three listened intently to the voice, cut through with weird tremors and, in places, unintelligible.

"You know there's EVP on that?" Sam asked, looking at his brother.

"Not bad, Sammy. Kinda like riding a bike, isn't it?" Dean smirked. Lida kicked him in the leg and he scowled, and then it was Sam's turn to smirk. He was happily surprised to see that Lida returned his smile – and not so happy to see that it was more harsh smirk than smile, but it was progress.

"Alright. Lida slowed the message down, ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss, and this is what she got."

Lida and Dean watched as Sam's expression changed. Dean fought to keep himself from smirking. _Gotcha._

"Never go home." Sam murmured. Dean pressed his lips together, slamming the device into the boot and standing up. Lida and Sam followed suit, watching as he packed it up.

"You know in over 3 years, we've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing." Dean said, his gaze expectant as he lent back. Lida's, meanwhile, was painfully neutral.

"Alright. I'll go." Sam sighed heavily. "I'll help you find him. But I have to be back first thing Monday. Just wait here." He turned to go.

"What's first thing Monday?" Dean asked, curious. Sam turned back to face him, hesitant.

"I have an interview." he said.

"What, a job interview? Skip it." he shrugged. To no one's surprise but Dean's, this irritated Sam.

"It's a law school interview. And it's my whole future on a plate." he ground out. Lida stepped away – this was bad enough the first time. She was not going to have this argument again.

"Law school." Dean weighed the words in his mouth, reminded again of how long the three of them had been separated.

"So we got a deal or not?" Sam sighed, watching them worriedly. He still wasn't sure if he was making the right decision, but – just one time couldn't hurt, right? And he hadn't seen them in so long...

They watched him, calmly, two sets of eyes that were achingly familiar, and he knew what their answer would be – both the spoken and the unspoken one. _Of course._ They'd all say. _Anything to spend some time with you_ remained locked away in their eyes.

Sam turned and walked back towards the building, already making a list of what he'd need to pack. Dean and Lida exchanged weighted looks.

_Told you so._ Dean's said.

_Was it worth it?_ Lida's asked.

_We'll wait and see._ He replied.

~

There had been a brief argument over who was going to take shotgun; Lida was quickly shifted to the back. Dean comforted her by reasoning that it wasn't Sam's fault he was monstrously tall; she cracked a smile but remained quiet.

A few hours in, she was out like a light, breathing heavy and dull in the backseat. Deciding that it was as good a time as any, Sam turned to his brother.

"So..." Sam looked at him, expectant expression on his face.

"So what?" Dean grunted, impatient.

"Well – Lida's changed." He stated. Dean sighed, looking away.

"Yeah. She, uh....we've both seen some shit, these past couple of years. She's worried, too – s'not like dad to just leave us like this, no explanation, nothing."

"Uh, it's not the first time that's happened, Dean." Sam tried to point out, but Dean quickly shook his head.

"Things changed after Lida took her gap year – we all kinda...didn't want anything like that to happen again."

"Gap year? What exactly happened while I was away, Dean?" Sam was suddenly more curious than ever as to what happened.

"Well, it wasn't a gap year, per se. More like a gap five months, but...." he trailed off, eyes shifting from the road to Lida to Sam and back again.

"Full story. Start to finish." Sam demanded. It had moved beyond simple curiosity; he needed to know what had happened.

"Look, Sammy, there's some parts even I don't know, and...you really should talk to her about this. She'll be pissed if I tell you."

"Just tell me what happened with you, then. I know I should talk to her, but....I mean, she's different, Dean. The way she walks, the way she talks, the way she looks at me – you can't tell me that's just her growing up."

The car was silent for several long minutes, stretching on and on. Dean shifted, coughed, glanced first at Lida, then at Sam, back to Lida, before settling his eyes dead ahead and clearing his throat.

"After you left, everything went to shit for a few weeks. Dad was drinking the whole time, I wasn't much better – Li was crying over you and cleaning up our messes at the same time. None of us were what you'd call mentally stable. Anyway, after that we just – didn't talk about you. The three of us hunted together for about a year, and then I just – I couldn't take pretending you didn't exist, Sammy. It hurt Lida, too, but she couldn't just leave, she didn't want to put dad in a worse position.

Anyway, I went off on my own. Hashed it out with dad and everything. Li was pissed, nearly slapped me, but she knew I needed it. Think she was a bit excited about having some one-on-one with dad, y'know? But that didn't work out." he snorted suddenly, his tone bitter.

"What? Why?" Sam was both intrigued and scared. And guilty. He hadn't meant to hurt them – he loved them, for gods sakes, but he just couldn't stay...

"A couple months after I left, I get this call from Li in the middle of the night. She's crying, saying she can't take it anymore, how soon can I get there – I asked her what was wrong, she said dad. I mean, Sam, you leaving messed us all up, but him most of all. He got real hard after that, real strict with Li. She said it was too much for her to handle, so I promised that I'd be there in a couple days to pick her up.

Next thing we know, she's on a flight to Rio de Janeiro, and we don't see hide nor hair of her for five months. Few scant texts, couple emails, but no phone calls, nothing like that. We figured she was taking a nice relaxing holiday or something like that – pissed me off a little, to tell the truth, imaging her kicking back in Hawaii or somethin'. Dad and I split again, going our own way. And then she shows up, suddenly, with a whole lotta new scars and some wicked ass stories to tell. Sweet new moves, too – turns out she'd gone international. But she was different, colder, and – you've seen her eyes. Something happened, something bad. She still wakes up screaming sometimes. But she won't talk about it, not to dad, not to me, not to anyone."

"Do you have any idea what it could be?"

"Who, more like. See the ring she's got on her right ring finger?" Dean said. Sam instantly turned to inspect, and found it almost immediately – simple but classy. Not that he knew much about rings, but it looked nice.

"Yeah. Think it belonged to someone she knew?" Dean was giving him this weird look, piercing and scanning – like he was weighing whether he could be trusted with this information.

"Let's just say it was on her left hand when she got in. Switched it over the next day, and it's been like that ever since." Sam was confused for a few seconds – and then it clicked. Same finger, opposite hand – but she was so young. How? When?

_This is why you don't skip out on your family for over three years, Sam._


End file.
